The Gum IncidentThe Gum Incident

You hear a lot about the dangers of drinking and driving, or Texting and driving, but what about chewing gum and driving? Now the first two are extremely serious dangers, and, admittedly the third, for most, is a much lesser danger, however, as I found out, chewing gum can develop its own problems if you’re not careful.

My Story begins after a fantastic thanksgiving meal at my girlfriend’s parents place last Monday.   The time was 3 pm, the sun was shining in a way the sun can only shine on a beautiful fall day.   My equally beautiful girlfriend was beside me with her equally shiny blond hair putting the sun to shame, and her son and his girl were in the backseat.  I had some tasty turkey tacked between teeth that threatened to take me over the edge, so I took out some gum and started chewing hoping to dislodge the offending turkey.   No sooner were we out the drive way, then the gang suggested a trip to Tim’s.   Coffee was a great idea. I was kinda tired and had and i was driving for an hour to get back home.. So off to Tim’s we went.   Maybe you can see through hindsight my dilemma, because I had just put the gum in my mouth and did not want to take it out until I got my coffee, and then, for some reason, I wanted to save it.  Looking down at my hot coffee lid, I did what a lot of us do; I put my gum on the lid.  The simple fact of life is that Extra Fresh Gum and Coffee don’t mix well in your mouth.   Second fact of life I soon discovered was that fresh gum overwhelmed the smell of my beloved coffee.   These facts must be understood to understand my next course of action, which was to through the gum out my window.  

                Coffee can be your friend, gum can be your friend, but, I swear, warm gum well you’re driving is never ever your friend.  Not since I had accidentally spited gum out the window, missed, and have it land in my friends long much loved hair, had I been in more trouble with gum.  My girlfriend watched me in disbelief as I picked up the warm gum off my coffee while driving down the road.  I had picked it up with my right hand, farthest from the window and thought to simply transfer the gooey stuff to the other hand only to discover that I now had gum on both hands and I really need to turn the steering wheel so as not to hit another car.  The result was a web of gum between my hand and the steering wheel that looked like cat’s cradle gone mad. Yes sir, it was a web of wanton trouble that spider-man would be amazed by.  I still tried to drive hoping, in the suddenly silent car, that no one had seen my predicament.  My girlfriend finally could take no more, and between a laugh and scream she ordered me to get off the road and clean up my mess.   Luckily I always have wipes in my car.